


Unravel

by Mistress_Kalamity



Category: Palo Alto (2013)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 15:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5169143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistress_Kalamity/pseuds/Mistress_Kalamity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started October 19th</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unravel

Fred and I rarely ever talk about the events of October 19th. It was all one huge misunderstanding, he fucking says. Oh sure, you coming out to me and making me feel like I'm meant a damn to him was a mistake. I can't fucking stand him when he treats me like I'm important and then suddenly he acts as if we didn't share something special. Fuck him for that! All the while, I wish he'd just love me. 

I've known Fred for years and now, now he's turning into a stranger. He drags me to parties and then abandons me with nothing to hold but a red solo cup and my erratic emotions. No amount of liquor can repress what I feel for him but I try. I watch him flirt mercilessly with other girls and that burning envy fills my chest. I drink more and more hoping to forget October 19th. It's not working! I can't forget! Of course I fucking can't. I love him. I fucking love Fred. He doesn't care! He just wants to go to the next party. 

I hear someone call for a keg stand and I know that I have to drown out my heart somehow. I volunteer because Fred doesn't care what I do. I drink grotesque amounts of liquor and smoke insane amounts of weed. I feel like I'm not in my body but floating just above it. The pain is gone though. I don't think of that night. I don't think of Fred. I'm okay. I know I'm staggering, I can barely fucking walk. I see April being her awkward self in the corner smoking yet another cigarette. 

She's surprised when I plop down next to her. She offers me a cigarette and we watch the stars together. April’s lips curl up to say his name and I'm violently sick. Tears, vomit, and sweat. I'm a fucking mess. Fred did this to me. If he just accepted his feeling, accepted us. This wouldn't have happened. We'd be together inside and enjoying this party. Fred doesn't love me, I know he doesn't. I'm fool to think otherwise. April’s small soft hands offer me no comfort. I just feel even more like an abyss. She's fucking her coach for shit sake. These hands have ran across that pervert’s body. 

I don't know why I even fucking try to forget Fred. He's the only person that made my heartache and made me feel like the world was a cruel place except for when I'm with him. Fred just makes my world make sense. I could never tell him that though. Then I feel a large warm hand on my back. I look up from my heaving and see Fred holding out a cup of water. He jokes about me overdoing it again. How can he joke about this?! He fucking made me do it. All because he can't just love me! I want to hate him but I can't. He's been the one constant in my life. 

I go with him when he pulls me up to my feet and away from the party. We are all alone in the park and he hide us behind a tree. His hands gently brush up against my cheek and he moves my hair out of my face. He calls me beautiful and then gives me a piece of gum. I chew it for a while before he makes me spit it out. His lips touch mine and my heart flutters. That feeling from that night comes rushing back. Fred finally loves me. He has to. He cared when I was sick and he even tried to make me feel better. I want to forgive him but I just don't know if I should. This kiss could mean nothing and I'm reading way too much into it. 

I grip his hips in my hands and he pushes me onto the grass. All the images of that night play in my head. The intimacy, sweat and tears. He's my first. When it's all over, I'm sure he wants to cuddle but he merely gets dressed and smokes a cigarette. He looks away from me. I must be dirty. I'm not good enough for him. He tosses the but into the grass and sighs. He turns back to me and we match eyes. All I can think of is that night. The night when he broke me. I want him to say those beautiful three words, I love you. I know he won't though. He's too wrapped up in his own shit to care about my feelings. I slowly start to put my clothes back on and he stops me. He looks down at my crotch and then back at my face. 

He grabs me and then starts to kiss me again. Why is he doing this? He knows how I feel yet he's continuing to hurt me. Fred doesn't love me. He uses me and abuses me but I let him. I let him use me because it's the only way I get to feel connected to him. Through sex and drugs. Once he's finished, he gets up again. I'm his whore. I don't want to be but I know it's the truth. He smokes another cigarette and this times allows for me to get dressed. Tears are running down my face and I know he doesn't care. He got what he wanted. I am ready to just leave and go cry alone at home when he pulls me close and wipes away my tears. He knows that this makes my heartache. He can visibly see my pain. 

He kisses me again, I can taste the cigarettes on him. He pulls away and brushes my hair out of my face again. I don't have the energy for a third time, I wonder if he can tell. Fred is a ass and probably will always be one. Doesn't mean I love him any less. He grabs my small little butt and chuckles. He calls me a bitch for having a small butt with a laugh. I don't know if he's joking or being serious. Fred just enjoys making me upset. I pull away from him and he feels like I do. I know. The mixed emotions and the constant what ifs. I'm sick of it. I'm not sick of Fred but I just want him to love me. I hate that he plays with my emotions. 

He puts a hand on my shoulder and kisses my neck and then my cheek and then my lips. I push away this time. I can't let him hurt me. I have to preserve a piece of him that truly loves me before…..

_.... “Teddy, it's just a misunderstanding. I was drunk and so were you….”_

I can't let him hurt me. Not again. He tries again and this time he has me pinned up against a tree. His lips press hard against mine and I want so badly to just shove him off but I can't. I love him too much. I feel passion in this kiss and don't want it to end. I want him to hold me forever. His lips go up to my ear, I can feel his hot breath and his heart beating in his chest. He kisses my ear, chuckles and…..

_“I love you, Teddy.”_


End file.
